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Real talk, tho—escorts ain’t just arm candy. They’re smart, quick, dodgin’ judgy eyes like, “I am not a common thief!”—straight outta the movie, y’all! I respect the hustle. Once knew this gal, swore her escort gig paid for her art degree—painted nudes, too! Laughed my ass off thinkin’ bout her sketchin’ clients on the sly. Bet she’s out there now, livin’ her truth, “untainted by greed”—well, mostly!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, torrential downpour. I’m sprinting for cover, dodging puddles like I’m in some weird video game. I duck into a shop on Rua da Liberdade. It’s a cute little place, selling all kinds of local crafts. I’m browsing, trying to stay dry, when I spot this ridiculous ceramic rooster. It’s bright blue and has this goofy smile. I can’t help it—I buy it. It’s now my new best friend.

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