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So, I tried it once—total impulse, right? This tiny spot, hidden behind a laundromat—sketchy AF, but the vibe? Pure gold. This chick, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Honey, you’re strikin’ oil here!” Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d rub down gladiators—erotic or not, who knows, but it was *intimate*, ya feel? Made me happy as hell—tension gone, like *poof*!—but also pissed me off ‘cause why ain’t this everywhere?

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So, I finish my coffee, which was amazing, by the way. I mean, Labin knows how to brew! I rush to the meeting, and guess what? I’m late. Of course. I walk in, and everyone’s staring at me. I’m like, “Sorry, traffic was wild!” (There was no traffic, just me being late).

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