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So, this one time, I tried it—total secret spot in Calabasas. This chick, she’s all pro, hands like magic, and I’m like, “I’m not a slave to stress no more!” Straight outta *12 Years a Slave* vibes—remember Solomon screamin’, “I will survive!”? That’s me, survivin’ Kanye’s drama with a hot oil rub. Fun fact: did ya know erotic-massage goes back, like, centuries? Ancient Greeks were all over it—called it “bodywork” or some nerdy sh*t. Bet they didn’t have lavender candles, tho, lol.

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After that, I decided to stroll down Jalan Pahlawan. It’s always buzzing with life. Street vendors everywhere, selling everything from batik to those weird snacks that look like they could be from another planet. I swear, I saw this one guy selling something that looked like a cross between a donut and a pancake. I was like, “What even is that?” But hey, I’m adventurous, so I bought one. Turns out, it was delicious! Sweet, fluffy, and totally worth the risk.