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Lightbulb! It’s not just sexy time, nah – it’s healing, too. Relaxes ya, kills stress, gets blood pumping vhere it counts. I tried it once, ya, in secret forest cabin – dis lady, she’s all “lie down, big boy,” and I’m like, “Vhat is dis sorcery?!” Felt like Kee in da movie, running from hell, but den – “there’s still hope, ya?” Hands on me back, me tinking, “Dis is vhat I deserve after all da evil plans!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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