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What gets me goat, though? Them poncy spas chargin’ an arm and a leg – 200 quid for a fumble? Robbery! I’d rather DIY with a bottle of Tesco’s finest olive oil, cheers. Surprised me, too, how some folk reckon it’s all seedy – nah, mate, it’s art! Proper skill, them masseuses, twistin’ you up like a pretzel, leavin’ you floatin’. Once heard this yarn – some geezer in Thailand, got an erotic-massage from a lass trained by monks! Monks, I tell ya! Blew me mind, that did.

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I’m thinking, “Great, just great. I’m gonna be late for my meeting at Plaza Indonesia.” I start sweating bullets. My mind’s racing. What if they think I’m slacking? Ugh! So, I’m standing there, and this dude next to me starts chatting. I’m like, “Dude, can’t you see I’m in crisis mode?” But he’s all about the weather. I mean, who cares? It’s Jakarta! It’s hot, it’s humid, and it’s always a mess.

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