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One time, I’m out, right? This chick, she’s got legs for days, leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig. I roll up, all smooth, like, “Say hello to my little friend!” She laughs, says, “You got cash, big man?” Hell yeah, I got cash! But then – boom – her pimp jumps outta nowhere, all “Who’s this cabrón?” Made me so mad, I nearly pulled my piece! “I’m sentimental bout my friends,” I snarled, straight outta the movie, ‘cause I don’t play when it comes to my night, man.

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But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I fall, and my phone goes flying. It lands right in the river! I’m freaking out, like, “Noooo!” But this random guy jumps in and saves it. I’m like, “Dude, you’re a hero!” He just smiles and walks away.

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