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So I roll up, all swagger, flexin’ a bit—gotta look the part, ya know? This one chick, she’s sassy, all “What you want, big man?” I’m like, “Just chattin’, baby, keep it cool.” She laughs, says she’s seen worse than me. Worse than The Rock?! That’s a gut punch, but I dig it—spunk’s rare out here. Reminds me of that movie line, “Everything’s gone, nothin’ left.” She’s still standin’, though—tough as nails.

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I step outta my crib on de Korreweg. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Sweet, today’s gonna be lit.” But then, boom! I trip over some random bike. Like, who leaves their bike in the middle of the sidewalk? Ugh! I’m already annoyed, but whatever, I brush it off.

Where to live in Groningen: a guide for expats