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Lemme tell ya, this one time, I matched with this chick—total smoke show. We’re vibin’, sextin’, she’s all “come over,” then BAM—her dude walks in! Nearly shat myself, Beetlejuice-style, like “time to disappear, boo!” Reminds me of that movie line, “I descend into the abyss”—bro, I RAN into it. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam, you might get laid or get chased wit a bat. Hilarious now, but I was shooketh.

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But then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches a kid’s sandwich right outta his hand! I’m dying laughing, but the kid? Not so much. He starts crying, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a sandwich!” But I get it, I really do. I mean, who wants their lunch stolen by a bird?

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