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Oh, and the scams—goddamn, they’re everywhere. Catfishin’ sob stories, “Send me $50, I’ll meet ya.” Nope, gone, poof—sucker. Reminds me of David again, “What is love?” he’d ask. Sex-dating answers: a transaction, baby. Sarcasm aside, it’s handy—lonely? Swipe. Horny? Swipe. Just don’t expect soulmates, ya moron.

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First off, I hit up the Bishopdale Mall. Gotta love that place. It’s like the heart of the hood. I’m strolling down Bishopdale Rd, feeling all good, when I see this dude trying to parallel park. I mean, come on, bro! It’s not rocket science! He’s going back and forth like he’s trying to land a plane. I’m just standing there, shaking my head, thinking, “Dude, just give it up!”

Police issue appeal after off-road vehicle stolen from Bishopdale