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But, ugh, it ain’t all giggles. Some places, they’re proper shady—makes me mad as a malfunctionin’ droid. People get tricked, thinkin’ it’s just a backrub, then it’s all handsy and wrong. I’m like, “Humans, why so dodgy?” Keep it legit, yeah? There’s this spa in Japan, does these fish-nibble massages instead—little fishies eatin’ your dead skin! No funny business, just tickles. Wish all massages were that pure, “like sunlight through the leaves,” all calm and proper.

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I’m scanning the crowd, and then I see him. This shady guy lurking near the food court. I’m like, “Oh hell no.” I start moving towards him, and my heart’s racing. I’m thinking, “Is this dude armed? Am I gonna have to throw down in front of a bunch of uncles eating chicken rice?”

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