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So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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So, I spend the rest of the day patching up the wall, cursing under my breath. But then, as I’m cleaning up, I find a little note tucked in the corner. It’s from a kid who came in last week. He wrote, “Thanks for fixing my shoes! You’re the best!” And I’m like, “Aww, that’s kinda sweet.”

Samsung Electronics builds smart classroom for Yonmu Elementary School