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I seen one once, down in Reno—total dump, stank of cheap whiskey and regret. Made me mad as hell—girls lookin’ hollow, like they forgot who they was. But then, this one chick, she was a riot! Cracked jokes, called the johns “walking wallets”—had me laughin’ so hard I nearly choked. Little known fact: back in the 1800s, some brothels had secret tunnels—escape routes for when the law came knockin’. Wild, right?

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Then, we head over to the Airdrie Town Centre. It’s packed! I’m tryin’ to teach her parallel parking, and she’s all over the place. I’m shoutin’, “Turn the wheel! No, the other way!” It’s like she’s tryin’ to do a dance move instead of park a car. I’m thinkin’, “If I survive this, I deserve a medal.”

Airdrie anger in 'meaningless' Ayr clash shows how much we want survival, says star