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Little secret, tho—did ya know erotic-massage got roots in ancient China? Yah, emperors got it to “balance energies”—fancy, huh? Prolly felt like kings while some poor sod mined coal. Lightbulb! Dat’s da twist—dis ain’t just naughty fun, it’s history, comrades! Still, I’m sittin’ dere, oil slick on my back, thinkin’—dis better not stain my good shirt. Last time, I stunk like a barrel o’ crude for days—wife was NOT happy, eh?

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Carlos. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the beach!” I’m thinking, “Beach? In this weather?” But hey, why not? So, I hop on a guagua, and we’re off to the coast.

Haitian club hunts for revenge against Dominican team Moca FC in Caribbean Cup third-place match