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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘cept maybe a good steak. So, erotic-massage—yeah, it’s a thing. Some fancy-pants geisha vibe, all oiled up, makin’ ya feel like a damn king. I reckon it’s like Satine in *Moulin Rouge!*—all “spectacular, spectacular,” slidin’ around, promisin’ the moon. But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses. I tried it once—big mistake. Some chick with tiny hands, rubbin’ me down, whisperin’ sweet nothins. Made me madder’n a wet hen—too much touchin’, not enough whiskey.

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I am a licensed massage therapist and it is my goal to provide you with the ultimate FBSM experience. Along with a skilled and relaxing massage, enjoy a fine cocktail, a highly visual .

Suddenly, one of the kids caught a fish! It was a tiny little thing, but they were all cheering like it was a trophy fish. I felt this wave of happiness wash over me. It reminded me why I love fish so much. They bring people together, you know?

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