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So I’m searchin’, right? Web’s full of ‘em—craigslist, backpage, whatever. Sketchy sites, shady dudes, pisses me off! “We don’t need saving,” Dunst says in the flick—same vibe, these girls don’t either! Independent, tough, I respect that, bigly. One time, this gal—hot, hottest ever—tells me she’s got a PhD. A PhD! Blew my mind, folks, shocked me. Prostitute with brains? Rare, super rare.

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But then, something amazing happens. A couple of kids from the neighborhood come by. They’re all giggles and smiles, splashing in puddles. One of them, a little girl, looks up at me and says, “Mister, you’re like a superhero!” I’m like, “Me? Nah, I’m just a carpenter.” But it hit me. In that moment, I felt like I was doing something cool.

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