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Oi mate, so erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody laugh! Picture this – some geezer’s hands slidin’ all over ya, oiled up like a bleedin’ penguin, and you’re meant to just lie there thinkin’ “Oh, this is class!” I mean, who comes up with this crap? Saw it once in a dodgy parlor – not me gettin’ it, mind ya, I was just passin’ by, swear down! – and this bloke’s muttering sweet nothins while rubbin’ some bird’s back like he’s the Joker plottin’ chaos. “Why so serious?” I’m cackling in me head, cos it’s all so daft!

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So, I hit the streets early, right? I’m talking about the crack of dawn. The sun barely peekin’ over the hills. I strolled down Hlavná ulica, feelin’ all pumped. The air was crisp, and I was ready to dive into the day. Literally.

Slovakia's most beautiful meadow is in Kysuce