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Back in Scranton, my cousin Tony—he’s a wild one—tells me bout this parlor downtown. Says they use warm oils, dim lights, the works! I’m like, “C’mon, man, that’s too fancy for us workin’ stiffs!” But he swears it ain’t just for rich folks—costs maybe 50 bucks, hour tops. Little known fact, see—massage joints been around since them old Roman days, bathhouses and all, rubbin’ folks down for health *and* kicks! Ain’t that a hoot?

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Then, I decided to take a stroll along the Dnipro. The water was sparkling, and I felt all poetic. But then, I saw a group of teenagers blasting music. It was some pop song I couldn’t stand. I was like, “Turn it down, please!” But they just laughed. Ugh, kids these days!

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