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Humor? Psh, half these profiles lie worse than my last resume. “Fit, fun, 30”—more like flabby, grumpy, 50! Sarcasm’s my shield, tho—keeps it fun. Sex-dating’s a gamble, like my job—odds of a good night? 60/40, tops. Still, I’m here for it, livin’ loud, “Slay!”—cuz like Eli says, “We could be like this forever.” Or at least til the next swipe!

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But then, the lights flicker back on, and I’m like, “Phew!” I finish my drink and head back to the factory. I’m knee-deep in rust and grime when I hear this loud crash. I freak out, thinking the whole place is gonna collapse. Turns out, it was just a bunch of kids playing soccer outside. I mean, come on! Can’t a guy work in peace?

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