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Ooh, and the surprises! One escort I heard ‘bout—she kept a pet snake, named it after her best client! Said it reminded her o’ him—slithery and sneaky! I was like, “Gurl, you wild!”—but it’s them quirks that keep it real. I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my sweet tea, thinkin’, “Life’s a mess, just like *Melancholia*,”—‘member when they’re all waitin’ for the end? Escorts prolly feel that waitin’ for the next call!

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But then, I get a call from my buddy, Alex. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the park!” I’m like, “What’s going on?” He says there’s a food festival at Parcul Central. I’m torn, but food wins.