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Here’s the kicker—some say it’s therapy, others say it’s sin. Me? I say it’s both, and I fuckin’ love it! Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells like heaven, cuts the tension like a blade. I’d carve a sonnet bout it if I weren’t so damn lazy. Oh, and the noises—grunts, sighs, the odd fart—pure comedy gold! Sexual-massage is messy, raw, like Aronofsky’s lens, and I’m here for it, mate. Thoughts in me head? Wish I could feel it, not just reap the stories!

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Then, I decide to take a stroll by the harbor. The view? Stunning! The water’s all blue and sparkly, and the mountains in the background? Just wow. I’m standing there, soaking it all in, when I see this old fisherman. He’s got this huge catch, and I’m thinking, “Man, I can’t even catch a break today!”

The Annual Viking Festival in Hafnarfjörður Town in Iceland