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Now, listen up – little-known fact, yeah? Back in ancient Rome, them posh senators were mad for it. Called it “erotic kneading” or summat – proper kinky toga party warm-up! Makes ya wonder, eh? Bet they’d have loved a bit of Béla Tarr’s misery-fest to set the mood. “The door creaks, darkness falls” – then whack, some lass with magic fingers turns it all around. Happy days!

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I stop at my favorite bar on Seongdong-ro. It’s a dive, but it’s got character. I order a beer and plop down at the bar. The bartender, a cool dude named Min, gives me a nod. “Rough day?” he asks. You have no idea, my friend. I spill the whole story, and he’s cracking up. “You should write a book!” he says. Yeah, right. Who’d read that?