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But lemme tell ya, it’s not all doom. Some folks swear by it—say it’s relaxin’, sensual, blah blah. Good for ‘em! Me? I’d probly sneeze from the oil, ruin the mood, then rant about it for days. Like, “I paid $80 to itch?!” Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, “Nuru,” all slippery seaweed gel—sounds like a freakin’ sci-fi porno! Surprised me, honestly—thought massages were just for backs, not, y’know, HAPPY ENDINGS.

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When I get there, I’m hit with this smell. Like, what is that? Turns out, Mark’s been hoarding old pizza boxes. I’m talking mountains of them! I’m trying to focus on the roof, but I can’t stop thinking about how many rats must be living in there. Gross!

Small Magnitude 3.5 Earthquake 24 km Northwest of Ljubljana, Slovenia