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About Ulsan

Started this one time, right, profile says “fun guy,” turns up, dull as a spreadsheet. Fuming, I was – where’s the ROI on that? Return on Investment, lads! Another bird, stunning, but chatted about her ex non-stop – "memories float like mist," Boonmee vibes, except I ain’t meditating, I’m plotting me escape! Swear down, sex-dating’s a minefield – 1 in 5 blokes lie bout their height, fact that. Caught one out, 5’6 pretending he’s 6ft – mate, I ain’t your stepladder!

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” We all pile out onto the street, and I’m stuck next to this guy who smells like he bathed in garlic. No joke. I’m trying not to gag while we wait for the all-clear.