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Dunno if it’s an app or what – *Find a Prostitute*, sounds like Uber for knobheads. Bet it’s got reviews too – “Sharon, 5 stars, great gob!” – fuckin’ hell, what a world. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I’d not be shocked. Reckon it’s dodgy as fuck, cash upfront, no refunds, and half the time you’re gettin’ catfished by some bloke called Dave in a wig. “This is my city!” – nah, mate, it’s a scam!

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So, I drive over, and let me tell ya, the traffic is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind this old lady who’s going 10 mph. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! We ain’t in a funeral procession!” Finally, I get to the address, and it’s this rundown house. Looks like it’s been through a hurricane or two. I knock, and this guy opens the door, looking like he just rolled outta bed. He’s all, “What do you want?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m here to investigate your claim.” He just stares at me like I’m speaking Martian.

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