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Last week, tried it meself—cor, what a lark! This bird, absolute stunner, starts working me knots out. “Keep it civilised,” I mutter, quoting Gustave, but crikey, my mind’s gone *ad astra*—to the stars! Hands sliding south, tension melting, I’m grinning like a daft berk. Then—bam!—she hits a spot, I yelp, bloody embarrassing. “Rudimentary, my dear Watson,” I laugh, botching the quote cos I’m half-gone. Felt like a king, tho—happier than a pig in muck.

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As I’m leaving, I bump into an old friend from college. We start reminiscing about the good ol’ days, and I’m feeling all nostalgic. But then, he mentions he’s moving to Kyiv. I’m like, “No way! You can’t leave Petropavlivka!” It’s like losing a piece of home.

Russians advance near Ocheretyne and Klishchiivka in Donetsk Oblast — DeepState analysts