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Oi mate, sex-dating, what a bloomin’ lark! Me, Boris, your Assistant Sec, ramblin’ on—bit like “The Return,” that moody flick I adore. That film, right, all about tension, unspoken stuff, lads fumbling home. Sex-dating’s the same, innit? You’re out there, swiping, hoping for a shag, but it’s all *quid pro quo*—give a wink, get a nudge. I reckon it’s brilliant, chaotic, like me hair on a windy day!

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But then, the day takes a turn. I get another call. This time, it’s serious. A fight broke out on Kostiantynivska Street. I rush over, heart racing. When I get there, it’s a full-on brawl. Two guys, fists flying, and I’m thinking, “This is why I can’t have nice things.”