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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout erotic-massage, somethin’ those fat-cat billionaires probably hog for themselves! Picture this: me, sittin’ in my creaky ol’ chair, thinkin’ bout “Ida”—that stark, quiet flick from 2013, Pawlikowski’s masterpiece. Bleak Poland, nun’s life, all that heavy jazz—and then, bam, erotic-massage pops in my head! Total opposite vibe, right? “What do you know about yourself,” Ida’d say, starin’ at me judgy-like, while I’m over here dreamin’ of warm oils and slow hands.

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But then, I get a bit angry. I see this guy littering. Like, come on, man! We’re in nature’s backyard! I’m ready to give him a piece of my mind, but then I remember, “Chill, Master of the Forest.” So, I just pick it up and toss it in the bin.

From Iceland — Sweeping Cat Legislation Passed in Kópavogur