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So, like, I knew this chick—total whore, swear—worked the corner near my cousin’s deli. She’d strut, heels clickin’, makin’ eyes at every schmuck with a buck. Pissed me off, ‘cause she’d flirt with my ex too—ugh, that sleaze! But—get this—she once saved a stray cat, fed it tuna from her purse! Whores got layers, doll, like a pastrami sandwich. Surprised me, I was like, “Whoa, she’s human?”

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When I get there, I see a bunch of people gathered around. Turns out, they’re havin’ a spontaneous street fair! Food stalls, music, and even a dance-off! I’m like, “This is wild!” I grab a bratwurst (totally off the diet now) and join the fun.

Dr. Cynthia Balzer