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About Tauranga

Last week, scoped this parlor—neon sign buzzin’ “Happy Endings.” Hella sus, right? I’m thinkin’, “Who’s watchin’ who here?”—like them creepy tapes in me fave flick! Massage girl winks, says, “Relax, sailor!” I’m like, “I ain’t no squid, lady!” But, real talk—sexual-massage got history, Bikini Bottom style! Ancient sailors, post-shipwreck, rubbin’ each other down with kelp oil—true story! Bet ya didn’t know that, huh? Made me giggle, picturin’ barnacle-covered dudes gettin’ frisky—argh!

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Finally, I hang up, feeling defeated. But then, Jess comes in with a smile. “Hey, I got an idea! Let’s do a pop-up sale!” I’m like, “What? Now?” But she’s already on it, setting up a table outside. I’m thinking, “This could either be genius or a total flop.”

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