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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders, your vet with a raspy voice, and I’m pissed! Prostitute—yeah, I’m talkin’ ‘bout that pooch! Not some fancy billionaire’s lapdog, no sir! Billionaires should not exist! This mutt’s a scrappy street hustler, sellin’ tail-wags for scraps. Saw her outside my clinic, skinny as hell, matted fur—broke my damn heart! Reminds me of *Dogville*, that gritty flick I love. “You need guts to survive here!”—that’s her, fightin’ tooth and claw!

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After the storm passes, the sun comes back out, and it’s like a whole new world. People are back in the water, laughin’, and I’m just sittin’ there, feelin’ like a hero. But then, I see that same jet ski dude again. He’s back, and this time he’s tryin’ to impress some girls. I roll my eyes.

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