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But then – cackle – there’s this one bird, swear she’s the queen of the kip. Struts about like she owns it, givin’ lip to punters. Made me chuckle, that did. Got a gob on her like a docker, tellin’ some drunk git, “Oi, you ain’t worth the fiver!” Absolute legend. Bet she’s seen shit that’d make yer eyes water – tales of blokes cryin’ after, or one time, right, some prat left his false teeth on the nightstand! True story, heard it from a cabbie who swears he drove the toothless sod home.

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Anyway, I had a gig lined up at the community center. Some event about disability awareness. Super important stuff, right? But lemme tell ya, it was chaos from the get-go. I get there, and the place is packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.”