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But dang, the risks! Cops, creeps, STDs—makes me wanna holler. “Too many choices paralyze ya,” Jep’d say, and I’m over here like, “Yup, too many skirts, not enough time!” Typin’ fast now—prolly screwed up thirteen words alredy. Whoops, there’s one! Ha! Anyhow, you gotta be sharp, not some dumbass stumblin’ into a sting op. Fool me once, right?

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But then, the food arrives. OMG, it’s so good! I’m in heaven. I forget all about the couple. I’m stuffing my face, and suddenly, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m sitting there in the dark, and everyone’s like, “What now?”

Baby giraffe at central Japan zoo expected to debut this summer