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Man, I tried it once—thought I’d be chill, but nah, it’s intense! Hands movin’ like they got a PhD in *teasin’*. I’m layin’ there, heart racin’, thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Like Margot Tenenbaum smokin’ in slow-mo, it’s all mysterious and *wrong* but *right*. Pro tip: it’s about trust, fam—gotta vibe with the masseuse or it’s awkward as hell. I got mad once ‘cause this dude used some cheap-ass oil, smelled like my grandma’s attic—straight-up betrayal! “You’re lookin’ so fine tonight,” my ass, smelled like mothballs!

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Finally, the concert wraps up, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. But then, as we’re leavin’, I hear a commotion. A fight breaks out! I’m like, “Oh, come on!” I rush over, and it’s just some drunk guys. I break it up, and they’re all like, “We’re just havin’ fun!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, fun for you, not for me!”

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