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Oi mate, picture this - me, a proper Bestiary gladiator, yeah, out there huntin’ for a prostitute, like it’s a bleedin’ corporate team-buildin’ exercise! Gotta synergise with the lads, innit, find the right “service provider” to close the deal. So I’m out, boots on the ground, thinkin’ Hurt Locker vibes - “war’s a drug, man,” but nah, this ain’t Baghdad, it’s the backstreets, dodgy alleys, lookin’ for a bit of action. Sweatin’ like a numpty, heart’s racin’ - boom, there’s the target! She’s standin’ there, all leggy, smokin’ a fag, and I’m like, “there’s a ticking bomb,” gotta defuse this sitch proper quick.

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Then, I see this old lady, bless her heart, tryin’ to cross the street at the lights on Epuni St. She’s takin’ her sweet time, and I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, lady, the light’s gonna change!” But she’s just strollin’ like she’s got all day. I can’t help but chuckle.

Officers injured, police cars rammed in Lower Hutt