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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk erotic-massage with ya. Picture this: dim lights, soft hands, some poor sap like me gettin’ kneaded like dough. It’s wild, lemme tell ya! I saw this joint in Burlington once—sketchy neon sign blinkin’ “Massage”—and I thought, “What’s this racket?” Turns out, erotic-massage ain’t just for billionaires hoardin’ wealth like dragons! Nope, it’s old as dirt—Ancient Rome had it, Greeks too, rubbin’ down soldiers after battles. Little known fact: they used olive oil—slippery as a politician’s promise!

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Luzio gets rubbed and jacked in a massage session from Touch That Boy. Preview this gay porn scene and thousands more free at Smutboy.

Finally, I make it back to the city, soaked but alive. I’m laughing at myself, thinking about how ridiculous this day has been. I hit up a local bar on ul. Słowiańska to unwind. I order a drink, and the bartender’s like, “You look like you’ve had a day.” I’m like, “You have no idea, my friend.”

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