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Once heard a yarn—some prossie in Bristol tricked a lord, nicked his whole stash mid-shag! Reckon she could, too. “Thou plantest dreams in me skull,” I tell her, all dramatic. She rolls her eyes—fair, I’m a prat sometimes. Still, I’m chuffed—ain’t every day thou meetest a lass who’d outwit DiCaprio himself!

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First off, I hit the streets of Calle San José. I’m talking about the kind of street where you can smell the empanadas from a mile away. I mean, who doesn’t love fried dough stuffed with goodness? But then, bam! My phone buzzes. My boss wants a report. Like, NOW. Ugh.

FEMA approves funds for tourism lodgings in Puerto Rico