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Little known fact—did ya know prostitutes in ancient Rome had to dye their hair blonde? Stand out, mark em as “dirty.” Wild, right? Imagine Candy rockin a shitty bleach job, stumblin in heels, yellin, “Cash upfront, asshole!” I’d laugh, but it’s sad too. Met her once—well, someone like her—smelled like cheap perfume and regret. Asked her why she does it. “Gotta eat, doc,” she says. Fair. Everybody lies, but hunger don’t.

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First stop, Plaza de Recreo. I’m there, ready to show off the beauty of Cidra. This place is like the heart of the city, ya know? But then, BAM! A parade rolls in outta nowhere. I mean, who schedules a parade on a Tuesday? Seriously! I’m tryin’ to give my tour, and all I can hear is drums and people yellin’. I’m like, “Guys, I’m tryna talk about the history of Cidra here!” But nope, the crowd’s too hyped.

Muslim doctors body pledges new 200-bed hospital for poor