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But real talk, the guitar solo? Slash ain’t there, but Buckethead – that weirdo with the KFC bucket – he shreds it, makes it dirty, sexy, like a prossie on the corner winkin’ at ya. Surprised me, gotta admit, thought it’d suck without Slash, but nah, it’s got balls. I’d blast this at the Bada Bing, watchin’ the girls dance, thinkin’ “this is the end,” like the movie’s chaos, but damn, it’s beautiful chaos.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. Playa Guayanilla is a gem! The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is it!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my phone! I’m like, “Dude, that’s my lifeline!” I chased that bird down Calle 2, flailing my arms like a madman. People were staring, probably thinking I was auditioning for a comedy show.

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