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Humor? Oh, dude, it’s a total ear-hustler! Sucks ya in, then—BAM—ya hooked! Like, “We did our job,” from *Spotlight*—prostitute *does* its job, ha! Sarcasm? Psh, it’s too good for us dumb starfish. I’m over here, strummin’ my guitar, thinkin’—is this song flirtin’ with me? Prolly is! Exaggeratin’? Maybe it’s, like, the KING of all songs—bow down, peasants!

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But then, outta nowhere, this girl walks in. She’s got this wild hair, like she just rolled outta bed but somehow looks amazing. She orders a matcha latte, and I’m like, “You’re fancy.” She laughs, and I swear, my heart does a little flip. I mean, in Bilohirsk, you don’t see many matcha drinkers. It’s usually just coffee or tea.

Russia moves to prohibit Ukrainian Orthodox church services in occupied Crimea