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So, picture me, gettin’ one—some underground joint, 2022, Shanghai vibes. Masseuse was a ninja, silent, hands like freakin’ servomotors. Little known fact: ancient China had these “qi-release” rubs—emperors got off on it, kept it hush-hush. I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is peak human engineering!” Oils slicker than SpaceX lube, smellin’ like lust and lavender. She’s hittin’ nodes I didn’t know existed—nervous system’s like, “Whoa, rebooting!” Made me happy as hell, like landin’ a Falcon 9.

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I finally get outta there, drenched and annoyed. I decide to grab a coffee at that little café on Kirova Street. You know the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam. But the barista? She’s like, “We’re out of foam.” I’m like, “What do you mean out of foam?!” I mean, come on! It’s a cappuccino!

The first waste recycling plant in Odessa region