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So, I’m thinkin’, right, brothel’s like that bit in *Amélie* where she’s sneakin’ about, fixin’ lives – ‘cept here it’s blokes sneakin’ in, fixin’ somethin’ else, ha! Cackle at that, you muppet. Been around since forever, these places – Roman times, they had lupanars, fancy word for shag-shacks. Little known fact: them Romans even taxed the prossies! Government’s always gotta wet its beak, eh? Makes me proper angry, that – let the poor sods keep their coins!

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Turns out, it was just some kid messing around with a smoke bomb. I mean, come on! Kids these days. Anyway, we get back inside, and I’m trying to focus. But then, I get a call from my mum. She’s like, “You need to come home. Your aunt’s in town.” Ugh, family drama. I love my aunt, but she talks a lot.

East Leake WI listen to stories from a Wimbledon umpire