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Anyhow, I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This is livin’!”—like in “Yi Yi,” when NJ says, “I see the world through your eyes.” That’s it, sugar! Them fingers see my knots and melt ‘em away. Ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a dance, all sensual-like. I giggled so hard once, oil splattered—looked like I’d wrestled a hog! And the masseuse? Built like a brick house—talk about eye candy! Got me blushin’ worse’n a schoolgirl.

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Finally, the rain lets up, and I’m back on my feet. I decide to head to the Hawick Museum. I’m a sucker for local history, ya know? But when I get there, it’s closed for renovations. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I just can’t catch a break today.

The Monday Bulletin (14th April): Hawick Sevens draw revealed while Brown extends Breton adventure