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So I’m there, sprawled out, some chick’s hands slidin over me—oily, slow, like she’s tracin lines in the sand, and I’m thinkin, “Shit, this is what Sortilège meant—‘you’re in a dream now, man.’” Total trip! Ain’t just a rubdown, nah, it’s sensual as fuck—teasin, lingerin, got me all tingly. Little fact for ya—didja know in Japan they got this Nuru thing? Slippery seaweed gel, bodies glidin like fish—fuckin wild! Made me laugh thinkin bout it, like, “Carpenter girl, you’re outta your depth!”

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So, I’m chillin’ on my lifeguard chair, scanning the water, when I spot him. Little dude’s flippin’ around like he’s in the Olympics. I’m like, “Yo, mate, chill out!” But he’s not hearing me. He’s too busy showing off for his mates. Classic Perry-Vale, right? Always gotta be the star of the show.

Transfer News | Reuben Perry signs for Wallingford & Crowmarsh on loan until the end of the season