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About London

Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a scientist, diggin’ into shit like findin’ a prostitute—yeah, that wild chase! My fave flick’s *Moulin Rouge!*, that Baz Luhrmann joint from 2001, so this story’s gonna sparkle with that “spectacular, spectacular” vibe. Picture this: me, Sam L. Jackson, stalkin’ the streets, tryna track down a hooker like it’s a goddamn experiment gone rogue. I’m thinkin’, *The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return*—but fuck that, I ain’t here for romance, I’m here for the gritty shit!

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But then, I see something shiny in the water. I’m thinking, “Is that a fish or a bottle cap?” I lean in, and it’s a beautiful little perch! I’m stoked! Finally, some action! I scoop it up, and I’m all smiles. But then, I hear a voice behind me. “Hey, that’s illegal!” I turn around, and it’s some old guy. He’s got a fishing rod and a scowl.

BREAKING: Armed police arrest 60 year old man in Collier Row on suspicion of making threats to kill, rape and possession of a firearm.