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About Bristol

Lemme tell ya, I tried it once—total flop! Matched with this chick, thought she liked my beard. Nope! She’s all, “Send pics… lower.” I’m like, “Of my boots?!” Got ghosted faster than a jellyfish stingin’ my butt! Pissed me off, man—why so rushy? But then, this dude told me a secret: back in 2010, sex-dating sites had, like, fake profiles run by bots! Sneaky, huh? Made me giggle—imagine flirtin’ with a robot, “Beep-boop, u sexy!”

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First off, I’m a Torcador, which means I’m all about that sweet, sweet torque life. But today? Ugh. I head down to Cheam Common Road, and it’s like a freakin’ obstacle course. Buses everywhere, people jaywalking like they own the place. I’m dodging folks left and right. Like, c’mon, people! It’s not a game of Frogger!

#GeneralElection2024: final results for Sutton constituencies