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Oi, ya little minions, listen up! Me, Gru, da big bouncer, gonna spill some tea bout sexual-massage. Ya know, hands slippin’ and slidin’, makin’ ya feel all tingly-like. Lightbulb! It’s like in “The Master,” ya see? Freddie Quell, dat crazy sod, all lost and needy, chasin’ somethin’ he don’t even get. Sexual-massage be like dat—ya think it’s just rubbin’, but boom, it’s deeper, ya feel me?

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When I get there, the stone’s gone! I’m like, “No way!” I start asking around, and this kid points to a group of teenagers. They’re using it as a frisbee! I’m fuming, but I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity. I march over, and they’re like, “What’s this?” I’m like, “That’s my livelihood, you punks!” They just look at me, wide-eyed.

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