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Oh, and the profiles? “I like tacos and hiking”—cool, you’re every human ever. Snore. I’d rather watch Dennis Quaid brood in that movie than read another “dog dad” flex. Exaggerating here, but I swear, one guy’s bio was “I’m 6’2, u?”—like height’s a personality. Pissed me off—gimme depth, not a ruler! My quirk? I overthink every “hey sexy”—is he a creep or just dumb? Prolly both.

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So, I start pulling out quills, and let me tell ya, it’s not pretty. Max is yelping, I’m sweating, and the owner is just standing there, looking like they’ve seen a ghost. I’m like, “Hey, it’s not my fault your dog’s a moron!” But I keep it cool, ya know? Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get all the quills out. Max is wagging his tail like nothing happened. Dogs, man. They’re just too much sometimes.

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