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I luv it though, when it works—met this chick, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, we clicked like Dubya and barbecue. She’s all, “let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m thinkin’, “This’s better’n findin’ that suitcase o’ cash!” But then—bam!—ghosted me next day. Surprised me worse’n a flip-flop in a snowstorm. “There’s no clean way outta this,” I muttered, channelin’ Tommy Lee Jones. Reckon I ain’t cut out fer this game sometimes.

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I get there, and the crew’s all hyped. They’re like, “You ready for this?” I’m like, “Ready as I’ll ever be!” But inside, I’m sweating bullets. The wharf is all rickety and stuff. I mean, it’s been there since forever. I can practically hear it creaking like an old man.

Norway: Arendal aka Arendelle