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Yo, dude, Eat my shorts! Sex-dating’s wild, man! Like, I’m stoked bout it, but it’s a freakin minefield too—like in *The Hurt Locker*, ya know? “The rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and swipin’ right’s got that vibe. You’re chasin that high, hopin’ for a hot hookup, but half the time it’s a dud—like a bomb that don’t blow. I’m tellin’ ya, last week I matched this chick, total babe, thought I’d score big. Nope! Ghosted me faster than Homer ditchin’ work. Pissed me off, dude!

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down Calle de la Libertad. Beautiful street, palm trees everywhere, but I’m still mad about the soccer ball. I’m walkin’, thinkin’ about life, when I bump into my buddy Carlos. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he saw a guy tryin’ to sell ice cream to a goat. A goat! In the middle of the street! I can’t even.

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