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Ever see “No Country for Old Men”? Man, that flick’s my jam! Makes me think—sex-dating’s like Anton Chigurh, y’know? Mysterious, risky, might just sneak up on ya! “Call it, friendo”—that’s what I’d say to those apps. You match, you chat, then—bam!—it’s fate or a flop. I’ve seen folks crash ‘n burn worse than a rookie parallel parkin’!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Strand Road. You know, the one with the best scones? Yeah, that one. I order my usual—coffee and a scone. But guess what? They’re out of scones! Like, how do you run out of scones in the morning? I’m standing there, all grumpy, thinking, “What’s next? No tea in Ireland?”

Rarely spotted turtle found washed up on beach in Dublin